Yes, it’s an ambitious title. One that we surely will not do justice.
And yes, to be fair, there are lots of different ways to get married. To imply that there is a single correct method is ridiculous. But today we are feeling ridiculous.
Anyways, let’s get into it.
First, you need another person. It depends where you live, but that person might have to be the opposite sex. Ideally you love this person for who they really are and trust them unconditionally. Preferably, you say things like “you complete me” and have undeniable sexual chemistry. Bonus if the other person is better looking or has more money than you.
Next you propose. In the old days this meant asking her parents for permission, getting down on one knee and presenting her with a large diamond ring. Nowadays proposals come in the form of facebook status updates, stressful conversations where she interrogates “are you really serious about us?!?!”, drunk conversations where you casually joke “why don’t we get married?”, or the convenient unplanned pregnancy. Choose the method that works best for you.
Next you notify friends and family and choose a date and city.
Everything up to this point is logical and practical. Everything after this point is insane.
You need to choose a color and a theme. You need stationary and napkins and flowers and place cards and cake and a band. You need to lose 10 pounds. She needs a dress. She thinks she needs to lose 10 pounds. She needs bridesmaid dresses. (btw: check out our friends at shiny orb who made this sweet bridesmaid dress searching website).
Similarly you need to choose your groomsmen and make sure they look good. (btw #2: Proper Cloth can totally help out getting all your groomsmen in custom fitted shirts that match your bridesmaid dresses. Makes a nice groomsmen gift too.) You need to write vows. You need to decide who gets invited. You need to decide if the salad should have pistachios or walnuts. Generally speaking, you need to pay lots of money for lots of crap that you don’t really want.
Enjoy.
Then you need a bachelor party. This is a rare opportunity. Make the most of it. Seriously. Don’t compromise. We’ll discuss this more in a later post.
Eventually, the day of the wedding comes and at this point everything becomes pretty simple again. You walk down the aisle. You say I do. You kiss. You walk back down the aisle. You drink a lot of alcohol and let everyone congratulate you.
Congratulations.
Then you fly to hawaii.
Tagged: Wedding